Setting The Smallest Goal

Or How I finally started to enjoy running

Or my case for “lowering the bar” for yourself

Full disclaimer: I still don’t love running. And I still don’t go for runs longer than 3.5 minutes most days. (No, that’s not a typo…Does that even qualify as a “run?”) 

Here’s how it started: there was finally a reprieve from the dreary wetness of the California winter, and I was longing to get some fresh air. Sure, a walk would suffice, but on this particular day, I was longing for something a bit more exuberant that would shock my muscles out of their curled-up stupor. Should I give running another try? I thought. I had had wild hairs before that always ended in huffs and puffs of defeat after 1 city block. 

Granted, at this time, I think I’m more fit than I was in the past….Should I aim for 20 min again? I really don’t want to have another instance of giving up so quickly…..10 minutes? Hmmm, that still seems like a long time…. 3 minutes. I think I can last for 3 minutes.

Out I went, phone timer in hand, ready to plop along the pavement and try really hard to forget about how much time had or had not passed. That first time, I caved after 2:30. I was breathing hard, my feet ached, and I was positive I had to be so so close. Not so much. 

After a lengthy walking break, I took another stab. Ok, here we go. 3 minutes. Mental fortitude. You got this. You’ve done physical things way more challenging than running for 3 minutes. You are a gladiator. And on I went. That second time, I did push myself to keep on plopping until the timer dinged. Another walk break, and then I did it one more time. Accomplishment washed over me! I was the queen of running! 

Ok, so maybe not. Like I said, I’m still tepid about evening claiming to “like” running. I have never experienced a “runner’s high.” I only go outside for 15 minutes at a time, do my three sets of 3.5 minutes, and call it a day. But it’s gotten easier. And I’ve been doing it more often,  and I don’t feel like my lungs are being ripped out every time I’ve finished. 

What’s the take away from all this blithering? 

For me, it was a realization that achieving the smallest of goals brought satisfaction, joy, and led to achieving larger goals. I know what you’re thinking: Lydia, duh. That’s how setting goals works. Ok, yes, you’re right, but I think in today’s society, we’re overburdened by seeing images of grand success everywhere. Take one scroll through social media, and all I see is beautiful intricate desserts being made, amazingly talented dancers performing, and gorgeous people accomplishing their goals. Enough to make anyone feel like, If I’m not going to do something like that, what’s the point? 

We can rally around the disastrous effects of social media another day, but for now, I’m going to focus on lowering the bar and reveling in the sense of accomplishment I get from doing the smallest version of something. I’m going to think about taking on a new project, and then just shrink that vision by 70%. Can I get a similar feeling of success by doing way way less? The answer might be yes. The answer might be no. But I’ll definitely take feeling some success versus no success. 

A good hard look at reality

Part of this process is about being honest with yourself and responding to reality, rather than hopes and dreams. Lydia, you’re such a downer… Yes, I am in some ways, but I also believe that we can’t really achieve what we want by ignoring what’s actually happening. There’s agency in confidently accepting what you may or may not attain, and being realistic about what you can achieve. It’s so easy to get lost in big picture / the grand scheme such that you don’t actually continue progressing towards it. 

In dance class, and in life, there’s a pressure to do the fullest version of something. Part of this pressure might come from lacking an obvious intermediate goal, so it’s either the biggest version or no version. As a teacher, I encourage you to ask! I LOVE when a student feels confident enough to stop me and ask for a smaller/less intense version or a breakdown that can get them into the choreography more fully. 

I often try to give various options for different experience/comfort levels, and pose “corrections” as “opportunities to try something else”. The best part? You can always say, “No thanks!” Don’t want to go upside down today? Don’t! Not feeling great about jumping? Stepping through works just as well! The important part of offering these options is acknowledging that there are different versions of success, and it’s ok that everyone’s version looks different. 

So this is me telling you that your tiny goals are enough. Go on that 3 minute run; make a meal for yourself; organize the files on your computer. Do the smallest thing that will give you a moment of joy/clarity/relief and feel good about it.